the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i permit you to call me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
