He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
