Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
