My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
