Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
