You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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