what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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