So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
zippers are such a cool invention
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
