we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
