He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
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I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just high enough for therapy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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