ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
