it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
third nipple confirmed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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