She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
