So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
