that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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