I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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