Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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