I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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