i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
