hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
