it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
