don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
