Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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