At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
