party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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