Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Randomize
