I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just forgot I was standing up.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
