but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my being single is dangerous.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
