i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
