I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
