That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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