For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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