you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
