Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i dont even know how to be here
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
