I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
