he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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