Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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