I wish they made helmets for livers.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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