I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
