if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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