Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
