Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
