I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
