She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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