I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
