Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
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My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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