Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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