I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
