Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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