How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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