Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
