Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize