He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
