sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
