Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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