Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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