Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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