My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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