My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
