Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
