when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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