help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
