nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
