Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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