i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
