Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
