After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
