did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
