Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
