i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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