T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
