Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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